


Beforusbent

by rezi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A1 Session, Alternate Session, Beforus, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meenah Peixes plays a game with eleven friends.<br/>The short version: things go wrong.<br/>The long version... well, here it is.</p><p>This is the A1 Sgrub session, told in the style of Hivebent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

> Beforusstuck

[Panel: Meenah standing in her respiteblock. You know the drill.]

A young troll stands in her respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the first bilunar perigee of the third dark season's equinox, is this young troll's wriggling day. Though it was six solar sweeps ago she was given life, it is only today she will be given a name!

What will the name of this young troll be?

> Enter name.

[Panel: "PEEPEE NOOKSQUIRTER" begins to be typed in above her. Meenah narrows her eyes and shakes her head slowly, smirking. The text retreats.]

AW S)(-ELL NO.

This girl ain't got time for none of your shenanigans. She got a 2x3dent at the ready and she's itchin to poke some suckas up. Water you waiting for? Give her a reel name, and give it fast.

> Try again.

[Panel: Meenah's room, so gaudy it hurts the eye to look at. Gold and fuschia everywhere. Not to mention the omnipresent sparkles. A few fish tanks are lying around. Some contain her pet fish, others lie empty awaiting what other fish she can find. One is big enough for her to lie in: she sleeps in it. A cake, decorated with vivid fuchsia icing and a sparkly gold ribbon around it, sits on a chest of drawers.] 

Your name is MEENAH PEIXES. As was previously mentioned, it is your WRIGGLING DAY, which you are pretty glubbing -EXCIT-------ED about. Though in more normal situations for a TYRIAN BLOOD like you, it would mark the beginning of your EMPRESSARIAL TRAINING, you GLUB EXACTLY ZERO FUCKS about that right now. For you, it's just an excuse to BAKE MORE CAKE.

Your INTERESTS primarily involve the aforementioned BAKING and the accumulation of AS MUCH WEALTH AS YOU CAN GET YOUR SEADWELLING HANDS ON. Anything SHINY, anything GOLD. You love that sparkly shit so much you will occasionally resort to THIEVERY to satisfy your urges. This is a habit you have had all your LIFE, and you would have been CULLED HARSHLY for it, were you not the BEFORAN HEIR APPARENT.

Also if you didn't LIVE ON THE MOON.

Your only contact with OTHERS OF YOUR SPECIES is through a chat client called TROLLIAN. Using this, you communicate with your ELEVEN FRIENDS, even if most of them are ASSHOLES. Later this day, you will use it to contact them about A NEW GAME you have discovered on the moon. But that is yet to happen.

Your trolltag is counterCharge and you  blubber - sorry, speak - in a manner that is decidedly fishy.

What will you do?

> Meenah: Attend to loyal subjects-to-be.

[Panel: Meenah looking out from her castle window. No subjects to be found: just lots of pink rock, with a gold glint visible from underneath one.]

Seariously? Were you even lisfining? You live on THE GLUBBING MOON!

Even if you didn't, you wouldn't be doing that anyway. You'll leave that to the sucka who's already on the throne. You'd schooner die than end up a slave to the empire for life. Die, or run away to the moon. Coincidentally, the latter happens to be exactly what you've done.

> Meenah: Captchalogue that shiny thing down there.

[Panel: Meenah's big toothy grin.] 

Is that... gold?

S)(---ELL Y-ES. Forget cakes for the moment. You are getting that thing. Even if it does take a whale to get all the way down there, it's MOTHERGLUBBING GOLD!

> Meenah: Go get it!

[Panel: Meenah dashes past a door, from which lovely cakey smells waft out. *waft*]

The smell of BAKING CAKE very nearly tempts you into the KITCHEN. But you can't attend to that right now. You've got a SHINY THING in your sights, and ain't nofin getting in your way!

You reckon you can leave it for a few finutes... sorry, minutes... more.

> ======>

Look at that magnificent gold statue of you in all your glory. Standing porpoised for battle, 2x3dent ready to poke a beach up. She ain't taking no shit from nomoby. Just like the real thing.

Even as the empress-to-be, it took a lot of convincing to get them to make this thing for you. And even more convincing to get them to put it on the moon when it was done, then build a castle around it. A "shrine" to the future empress, you told them. Which would still have been completely unbelievable if a certain mind-controlling friend of yours hadn't been persuaded to help.

But it was worth it.

> ======>

[Panel: Meenah, now outside, crouches down to find a golden capsule with a white grub on the side.] 

A capsule, huh? Probably some sort of space debris that washed up here. You get a lot of that here. Not a lot gold, though...

You deduce correctly that it's a game called SGRUB. This deduction would be far more impressive if it didn't have "SGRUB: THE GAME" engraved on the underside. Also if we hadn't mentioned you're going to end up playing a game with eleven friends later on.

But you don't know that's going to happen yet. Instead, you just take it upstairs. A game? Well, it's something to do on this boring as fuck moon. Who knows? You might even play it with your eleven friends. That would be a completely unexpected turn of events.

> Meenah: Troll best frond.

[Panel: Meenah sitting at her husktop, capsule sitting beside her.]

counterCharge [CC] began trolling  archivalGusto [AG]  
CC: hey serket  
CC: i got somefin for ya

> Meenah: Be the best frond.

You notice your best frond -- sorry, best friend! -- is messaging you. You'll answer her in a bit, just once you've finished proofreading your eighth draft of this textbook for wigglers.

You better not have accidentally left any fish puns in there this time. Like it or not, Meenah's way of speaking is contagious.

Wait. Who even are you?

> Enter name.

[Panel: Aranea's room, tidy and orderly. Bookcases almost cover the walls, while on a table dice and other paraphernalia of table-top roleplaying games are set up neatly. Aranea is at her computer.]

Your name is ARANEA SERKET.

You are a member of the CERULEAN CASTE, and hence it is your duty to SCHOOLFEED many of those with warmer blood than yours. You take on this duty with ENTHUSIASM, and tend to get OVER-EXCITED about your explanations.

You consider your PURPOSE in life to be HELPING OTHERS, and henceforth expend most of your time doing just that. Your SPECIALITY is SHEDDING LIGHT on anything other people are in the dark about, no matter how trivial the subject may be. You use this talent to WRITE TEXTBOOKS to schoolfeed young wigglers, though none of your works have yet been ACCEPTED FOR PUBLISHING.

In your free time, you enjoy ROLEPLAYING GAMES, in which you play as a SYLPH. You have only ever played the TABLE TOP VARIETY, though, as you do not believe you have the COURAGE for anything more DANGEROUS.

Your trolltag is archivalGusto, and you tend to ram8le considera8ly.

What will you do?

> Aranea: Answer best frond.

[Panel: Split between Meenah and Aranea at their computers, typing away.]

CC: serks  
CC: you lisfining  
CC: i said i got somefin  
CC: some game i found up here in a shiny gold capsule  
CC: you want in  
AG: Meenah! Hello!  
AG: Sorry a8out that.  
AG: I'm afraid I was rather 8usy working on my latest draft of Data Structures for Wigglers. It's a very important task!  
AG: I keep leaving fish puns in there. That's almost certainly a product of your influence. It's fascinating how our frequent communication seems to leave its linguistic mark on me.   
AG: That might 8e the su8ject of my next text8ook! "Social Linguistics"........  
CC: hey serks  
AG: Yes?  
CC: guess what were talkin about  
CC: clue: it aint that  
CC: i got somefin for ya remember  
AG: Oh! Yes.  
AG: Sorry. I seem to get sidetracked easily these days.  
CC: these days  
CC: seariously  
CC: youve always been like this  
CC: youll probubbly turn into a sidetrack soon  
AG: Sorry. I don't do it conchously. It's just a ha8it I've fallen into.  
CC: conchously  
AG: And that's another one!  
CC: serks  
AG: Yes?  
CC: you know your fish punning  
AG: Yes........  
CC: never stop  
CC: 38)  
AG: ::::)  
CC: hate to fishstract you from your textbooks but  
CC: i got a eeling this games gonna be reely shrimportant  
CC: aint often you get shiny gold bits of space trash on the moon here  
AG: That is a rare phenomenon, yes.  
AG: Is it completely intact?  
CC: yep  
CC: not a scratch on it  
CC: pristine  
CC: polished  
CC: can sea my reflection in it  
CC: and i am lookin fintastic  
AG: I hate to interrupt your aureate appreciation, 8ut doesn't this seem a little unlikely? One might even say........ contrived.  
CC: conchtrived  
CC: whaddaya mean  
AG: An utterly undamaged capsule - which, we must remem8er, has ostenti8ly 8een floating around in space with countless other pisces of de8ris 8ashing into it - makes an appearance somewhere you're able to find it, with a look that will undou8ta8ly appeal to you?  
AG: And then there's the fact that you are first in line to the throne, and therefore a prime target.  
AG: I don't want to panic you in any way, 8ut I must 8eg that you at least take into consideration the fact that this might 8e........  
CC: ...  
AG: A 8om8?  
CC: ...  
AG: Alternatively, it could just 8e an incredi8ly rare Fiduspawn. In which case, you're 8etter off contacting AT.  
AG: 8ut I somehow don't think that's the case. ::::)  
CC: a bomb  
CC: more like DA BOMB  
CC: cmon serks we gotta play this  
AG: Meenah, it's just a game.  
AG: I'm not sure if we should risk it........  
CC: life on the moon is boring as shell  
CC: and this looks fun  
CC: so i aint turnin down this opportunaty  
AG: ::::/  
CC: its ma wigglin day  
CC: please  
AG: Well........  
CC: serks  
CC: if you play this with me  
CC: ill go back to beforus and be empress like youre always beggin me to  
AG: Well, if you put it that way........  
AG: I'll mullet over.  
CC: 38D  
CC: okay theres a little socket thing  
CC: plugged in  
AG: Meenah!  
AG: I said I'd consider it!  
CC: we all know you were gonna give in eventually  
CC: i just saved us a lot of you carpin on about it  
AG: You were awfully hasty, though.  
AG: You don't know what that thing could have 8een.  
CC: it aint exploded  
CC: so its gonna be fine  
CC: and hey im even gonna go be empress when were done  
CC: win/fin situation  
AG: Alright. You've made your point.  
AG: What exactly does this game entail?  
CC: it enwhales...  
CC: nah thats weak  
CC: it entails gettin twelve people in on this  
CC: i guess thats you me and ten other chumps  
CC: and thats CHUMps  
CC: as in the fishy bait  
CC: much better  
AG: In which case, let's recruit! ::::)  
CC: you mentioned AT  
CC: ill go get him

counterCharge [CC] ceased trolling archivalGusto [AG]

> Be AT.

You cannot be AT, as he is busy watching the latest episode of Troll Sailor Moon with his matesprit.

This means that both of them are completely oblivious to their runaway chum trolling them.

Perhaps you'll have better luck later?


	2. Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of plan! I was initially just going to post what I've already written for this, but I'm going to try and make this work as a whole story. Or at least the edited highlights of one, sort of like Hivebent.  
> So I've been writing more to link my little snippets of text together -- the chapters'll take longer to write up, but it'll flow better now.  
> Enjoy! :D

> Minutes in the future...

But not many.

Looks like the episode's over now. His matesprit's gone back to her hive. I guess we can fit a proper introduction in now, then?

> Enter name.

Your name is RUFIOH NITRAM.

You belong to a group known as the LOST WEEABOOS. This gathering of EAST BEFORUS-OBSESSED TROLLS was originally led by a troll named PETERB ANNING against a pirate with a hook for a hand, though he left to become a legislacerator a while ago. These days, you mostly just watch TROLL ANIME and participate in VARIOUS RELATED ACTIVITIES, such as PLAYING FIDUSPAWN.

You grew WINGS at an EARLY AGE, this MUTATION causing you to be TREATED DIFFERENTLY to most people. Instead, your lusus led you OUT HERE. Most of the people here IDOLIZE you, considering you their LEADER, but your LOW SELF-ESTEEM causes you to feel YOU AREN'T AS GOOD AS THEY THINK. However, the common perception of you as a LOVEABLE ROGUE means you take many people's BREATH away regardless.

Your trolltag is  animeTareme , and you speak in a manner that is  hes1tant at t1mes... but s1ngularly un1que.

What will you do?

> Rufioh: Answer Meenah.

counterCharge [CC] began trolling animeTareme [AT]  
CC: ruf  
CC: rufioh  
CC: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)(  
CC: you there???  
CC: oh fuck youre watchin one of your cartoons arent you  
CC: this is shrimportant ruf  
CC: reely shrimportant  
CC: only the fishpun x2 combo shows how reely fuckin shrimportant this shit is  
CC: so when that shows stopped reeling you in can you come fishscuss this with me  
CC: discuss  
CC: yeah that one needs work  
CC: anyway later  
\-- counterCharge [CC] is now an idle troll! --  
AT: hey meenah!  
CC: FINally  
CC: i got this game  
CC: and i need you playin  
CC: serkets about to get me in this game  
CC: then youll have to get her in  
CC: then find someone to get you in  
CC: et crustacea  
CC: nah  
CC: not really feelin the crab pun there  
CC: should leave that to CG  
CC: its probably triggering tho  
CC: oi  
CC: yo ruf  
CC: )(-EY  
AT: sorry!  
AT: aa's talk1ng to me too...  
CC: ugh that beach  
CC: dont know what you sea in her  
CC: bit of a suckafish tbh  
CC: clingy  
CC: too sensitive  
AT: 1 don't know... she's n1ce...  
CC: whatever  
CC: she can get you in the game  
CC: heres the file  
\-- counterCharge [CC] sent animeTareme [AT] the file "sgrub.~AT)("  
CC: sea ya there  
counterCharge [CC] ceased trolling animeTareme [AT]

> Rufioh: Continue talking to AA.

AA: 楽しかったです。あなたと一緒にいる。あなたとTROLL SAILOR MOONを見ていました。  
AT: yeah, doll! d*mn, your cosplay 1s f1ne... woulda thought you were out of the an1mes yourself!!!  
AA: あなたはアニメから文字のようなものです。キャラクターは少女と少年引き起こすことが気絶する。あなたはとてもハンサムです。  
AT: really? 1f you say so...  
AT: 1'm not so sure about that, really... but 1t's n1ce to know you th1nk 1 am...  
AA: みんなはあなたほしいです。私はラッキーです。  
AT: you're too good for me, really...  
AA: 人様は嫉妬深いあります。大丈夫です。彼らは重要ではありません。  
AA: 誰もは重要ではありません。  
AA: だけあなたと私。  
AA: なぜあなたは行かなければならなかったの？  
AA: あなたは私を教えてくれませんでした。  
AT: 1've got a fr1end com1ng over...  
AA: 少年のHORSEY？  
AT: yeah... h1m.  
AT: he's a great fr1end, but he st1ll 1sn't too... comfortable around the warmer castes.  
AT: apart from me!  
AT: but yeah... you know how 1t 1s. 1t'd be awkward w1th both of you here.  
AA: 少年のHORSEYと話しますか。何故。  
AA: 変です。  
AA: その少年はクレイジーだと思います。  
AT: he comes off l1ke that at f1rst, yeah...  
AT: but he's great when you get to know h1m!  
AA: あれ思いません。  
AT: }:/  
AT: hey... you heard about meenah's game?  
AT: she was just tell1ng me about 1t...  
AA: 私は聞いていません。  
AA: ミーナが好きではありません。  
AA: でも、あなたはこのゲームをプレイする場合。  
AA: 私も遊んでいます。  
AT: cool.  
AT: oh sh*t... he's here!  
AT: talk to you later, yeah?

> ======>  
[Panel: Horuss outside Rufioh's door.]

> ======>  
[Panel: Rufioh welcomes him inside.]

> ======>  
[Panel: Sitting opposite each other on the floor, both smiling.]

You both then proceed to have the most heartfelt conversation in the history of paradox space.

But we don't have time for that, we've got characters to introduce! Let's move on to...

> Another heartfelt conversation?

tacitConspiration [TC] began trolling  amativeCatgirl [AC]  
TC: guess who's HEEEeeere? :o)  
AC: (=♥ω♥=) < KURZORZ!!!!!!!!!  
\--  amativeCatgirl [AC] sent  tacitConspiration [TC] the file "BIGGEST HAPPY TACKLEPOUNCE (SPECIAL GIF FOR KURLOZ ONLY!!!).GIF" --  
AC: \\(=^･ω･^=)/ < I'M SO HAPPY TO S33 YOU!!!  
TC: SAME here, my kitty GIRL!  
TC: honk HONK!  
\--  amativeCatgirl [AC] sent  tacitConspiration [TC] the file "HAPPY (WITH TAIL WIGGLE!!!).GIF" --  
AC: (=^. .^=) < OOOOOOOOOHHH...  
AC: (=´∇｀=) < HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT M33NAH'S GAME?????????  
TC: noooOOOooope...  
TC: can't say i HAVE, babe. :o?  
AC: ~(=^･ω･^)ﾉ < WE GET OUR OWN LANDS!!! PURRSONALIZED TO US!!!!!!!!!  
TC: aw, REALLY?  
TC: i BET yours is gonna be sweeeEEEeeet, just like you are. :o)  
AC: (=｀ω´=) < YOU MEAN SW333333333T???  
TC: haHA, YES i DO!  
AC: (=①ω①=) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!  
AC: ( =^・ｪ・^)丿 < I HAVE TO GET DAMEOWRA IN...  
AC: (=^･ｪ･^) < AND THEN...  
AC: ~(=^･ω･^) < CAN YOU GET ME IN???  
TC: suuuUUURE thing, GIRL!  
AC: (=^○∇○^=)  
AC: (=｀ω´=) < IT'S GOING TO BE PURRFECT!!!  
AC: (=ﾟωﾟ=) < WE CAN BE TOGEFUR!!!  
AC: (=･ェ･=) < AWAY FROM THE NASTY PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPURRVE OF US BEING TOGETHER...  
TC: haHA, YEAH!  
TC: together in our SWEET and MIRTHFUL lands!  
TC: doing AAAaaaAAALL the shit that we're not alLOWED to do...  
TC: with NO ONE to stop us. :o)  
AC: ~(=^ω^)  
\--  amativeCatgirl [AC] sent  tacitConspiration [TC] the files "SGRUB.~ATH" and "FLAIL!!!!!!!!!.GIF" --  
AC: ~(=^･ω･^)ﾉ < YOU'LL BE MY SERFUR PLAYER!!!  
AC: (=｀ω´=) < YOU'LL N33D TO FIND ONE FUR YOURSELF AS WELL.  
AC: (=^･o･^=) < I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S TIME TO PLAY, OKAY?  
TC: GOTcha!  
TC: i'll be the BEST server player that EEEEEEEEEVER was.  
TC: :o*  
AC: ~（=`･ω･´) < BY333333333!!!  
amativeCatgirl [AC] ceased trolling tacitConspiration [TC]

> Enter name.

Your name is KURLOZ MAKARA.

You are a member of a CULT which your BLOOD CASTE have followed THROUGHOUT HISTORY. Yet unlike most, including your ANCESTOR, you're PRETTY CHILL ABOUT IT. Religion's COOL AND ALL, but you'd much rather CHILL WITH YOUR MATESPRIT AND MOIRAIL. Your ACTIVITIES are FROWNED UPON by those of your caste, but YOU'RE CHILL ABOUT THAT. 

Your HIGH BLOOD makes you ALMOST ROYALTY by birth, though you're PRETTY CHILL ABOUT THAT TOO. You see no point in acting all HIGH and MIGHTY as if you're some sort of PRINCE. You'd rather COOL DOWN all people's SADNESS AND RAGE AND SHIT and make them all CHILL like you.

With your EASYGOING ATTITUDE, most people who don't look down on you for being lax with the rules of your religion GET ALONG WELL WITH YOU. You find this PRETTY CHILL. You find a lot of things PRETTY CHILL. And that's PRETTY CHILL AS WELL.

Your trolltag is tacitConspiration, and you speak in a manner that is draaaAAAaaawn out and REEElaxed :o)

What will you do?

> Kurloz: Find a server player for yourself.

Shouldn't be hard at all. You've got the PERFECT CANDIDATE.

He's your MOIRAIL, so it's your duty to CHILL HIM OUT when he's in his worst moods. He's a PRETTY CHILL GUY, so he'll probably agree to do this for you.

Well... that's not quite true. It's only this way ABOUT HALF THE TIME.

The other half...

> Kurloz: Troll perfect candidate.

tacitConspiration [TC] began trolling  totalAwesomeness [TA]  
TC: heeeEEEeeey...  
TA: NOPE  
TC: :o?  
TA: ITS TEH GAME  
TA: ISNT IT  
TC: yeeeEEEAH...  
TA: NOT PLAYIN  
TA: HAD VISION2  
TA: BAD ONES  
TA: THIS AINT GOIN 2 GO WELL  
TC: awwwWWW...  
TC: but i PROMISED AC...  
TA: MEH  
TA: FUCK UR PROMISE 2 AC  
TA: SHES GOIN 2 DIE IF U PLAY THIS  
TA: AND SO WILL U  
TA: LATER2  
totalAwesomeness [TA] ceased trolling  tacitConspiration [TC]  
TC: :o(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also: what do you think of Kurloz and Mituna's typing quirks, before their respective incidents? Alright, or should I do some tweaking of them? And in case it isn't clear, Mituna replaces Z with 2.)


	3. NOPE

> Be TA.

NOPE

... or not.

Okay, looks like we'll have to switch to someone different until he's more willing to let us be him.

Who else is available...?

> Be this guy instead.

Okay, you are now THIS GUY.

What shall we call him, then?

> Enter name.

Your name is KANKRI VANTAS.

Your MUTANT CANDY RED BLOOD means that you were CULLED just after hatching. In other words, you were taken in by a pair of BLUE BLOODS and CODDLED WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE.

You by no means ENJOY THIS, however, and make an effort to be as REBELLIOUS as possible, JUST TO SPITE THEM.

This involves taking up SOCIAL JUSTICE, so you can be OPINIONATED instead of the DOORMAT they want you to be; wearing the LEAST FASHIONABLE CLOTHING POSSIBLE, though you still love the HIKED-UP PANTS regardless of what a certain MEDDLER tells you and rejecting all the PAMPERING they try to give you.

Your trolltag is  campaigningGarrulity , and you  speak at length 9n the su6ject 9f s9cial justice t9 any9ne wh9 is willing - 9r unwilling - t9 listen.

What will you do?

> Kankri: Submit to pampering.

N9PE

Who knows what manner of humiliation they have in store for you this time? The fluffy pink sweater was horrid enough.

They've probably even left a present outside, for when you eventually have to leave your room.

> Kankri: Check for presents.

Ugh, you might have guessed. HAIR PRODUCTS. AGAIN.

You keep telling them: you are a TROLLIAN BEING, not a PAMPERED FLUFFBEAST! But then they just chuckle at how adorable you are and shower you in more needless gifts.

Well, (tw: curse words) FUCK THEM. You are a DEDICATED SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR! You will not allow yourself to be PATRONIZED this way!

So devoted are you to defying expectations, you even force yourself to turn down the candy they offer you. Even if it is... delicious...

Hang on, someone's trolling you.

> Kankri: Answer troll.

archivalGusto [AG] began trolling  campaigningGarrulity [CG]  
AG: Kankri, have you heard a8out Meenah's game yet?  
CG: N9. What "game" is this? 6ecause surely y9u kn9w I d9n't have time t9 waste 9n games f9r wigglers.  
AG: Yes, I know, far too 8usy with your important social justice issues.  
AG: 8ut Meenah's already in the game, and we need to complete the connection chain quickly.  
AG: Her hive nearly got hit 8y a meteor, and I think there's one for each of us if we don't hurry up.  
AG: Also, from what I can see of it so far........  
AG: It looks as if you'll have an entire land to yourself to force your views onto.  
AG: Doesn't that sound promising?  
CG: N9 thanks. I have my hands full en9ugh with this w9rld.  
CG: N9w excuse me, if y9u'll st9p treating me like a sweep-year-9ld, I have imp9rtant 6usiness t9 attend t9.  
AG: Sorry, 8ut........  
AG: When was I treating you like a sweep-year-old?  
AG: 8ecause if I've made a social misstep 8y accident, I am sorry.  
CG: Y9u're pandering t9 y9ur misguided view 9f me just t9 get me t9 play this game.  
CG: I find that highly patr9nizing, and even a little triggering.  
CG: S9 st9p it.  
AG: I think you're confusing persuasion and patronization.  
CG: I'm n9t playing.  
AG: It'll let you get away from your cullers that you hate so much.  
CG: Actually, I'm playing.  
CG: 6ut let it 6e kn9wn that that decisi9n was just a change 9f heart that I made aut9n9m9usly and had n9thing t9 d9 with y9ur patr9nizing meth9d 9f asking me t9 play.  
CG: I d9 n9t give in s9 easily.  
AG: Okay.  
CG: Wh9 will I c9nnect t9 in this c9nnecti9n chain, then?  
CG: Is GC availa6le?  
AG: Actually, we were hoping you would 8e a8le to connect to TC.  
AG: We were planning that TA could connect to him, 8ut he is........ Reluctant at the moment.  
CG: N9.  
CG: I will n9t c9nnect t9 TC.  
CG: This is unaccepta6le.  
AG: Why?  
CG: I mean...  
CG: Well, Kurl9z is chill. I am f9nd 9f him.  
CG: 6ut I will n9t deny his moirail the privelige 9f c9nnecting t9 him.  
CG: While I must 6e given the duty 9f c9nnecting t9 GC, if I am t9 play.  
CG: I admire her, and c9nsider this a fitting repayment f9r h9w she has 6lessed me with her many virtues 9ver the sweeps.  
AG: Um........  
AG: Okay.  
AG: I'll contact her a8out it now.  
CG: G99d.  
campaigningGarrulity [CG] ceased trolling  archivalGusto [AG]  
AG: Sigh.

> Kankri: Answer other troll.

As soon as you've finished with her, another one starts trolling you! Do you get no peace?!

Who's trolling you now -

Oh.

Oh no.

It's _her._

> ======>

gynarchicAide [GA] began trolling  campaigningGarrulity [CG]  
CG: N9PE.  
GA: No+pe?  
GA: No+pe what?  
CG: Y9u are n9t c9nnecting t9 me in this game.  
GA: What game?  
CG: Feign ign9rance all y9u want.  
CG: I kn9w that's what y9u're here f9r.  
CG: Y9u just want t9 6ug and fuss and meddle with me in this game, d9n't y9u?  
GA: Kanny.  
GA: I ho+nestly have no+ idea what yo+u're talking abo+ut.  
CG: D9N'T CALL ME KANNY.  
CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL ME!  
CG: I D9 N9T NEED A PET NAME. I AM N9T A PET.  
GA: I kno+w that, and I do+n't want to+ treat yo+u as o+ne.  
GA: All I want to+ do+ is lo+o+k after yo+u.  
CG: Well, y9u meddles9me slut, listen up.  
CG: I D9N'T NEED ANY69DY L99KING AFTER ME.  
CG: I am fully capa6le 9f l99king after myself, regardless 9f whatever mutati9n I may have.  
GA: I never do+ubted that.  
GA: But it never hurts to+ have so+meo+ne lo+o+king o+ut fo+r yo+u.  
GA: Yo+u can't do+ everything yo+urself.  
CG: Yes I can.  
GA: That attitude will o+nly get yo+u into+ tro+uble.  
GA: When yo+u find yo+urself o+verwhelmed and needing help, do+n't say I didn't warn yo+u.  
CG: Excuse me.  
CG: I didn't ask f9r y9ur 9pini9n.  
GA: Yo+u can't deny it, tho+ugh.  
CG: Well, next time I particularly need a lascivi9us wh9re t9 seduce wh9ever 9pp9ses me, I will 6e sure t9 call up9n y9ur services.  
GA: Hey!  
GA: That was o+ne time!  
GA: Calling me o+ut o+n that isn't very so+cially just, is it?  
CG: 9h, please.  
CG: I d9 n9t need y9ur m9rally suspect interests p9lluting my n96le cause.  
GA: Mo+rally...  
GA: Suspect...  
CG: G99d6ye.  
GA: Wait!  
CG: What?  
GA: Co+uld yo+u sto+p thro+wing a tantrum fo+r o+ne seco+nd and tell me what this game is?  
CG: F9rget I menti9ned it.  
CG: G99d6ye.  
campaigningGarrulity [CG] ceased trolling gynarchicAide [GA]

GA: Sigh.

> Be GA.  
[Panel: A quick glimpse of Porrim in her respiteblock, then PSYCHE -- Meenah in the Land of Dew and Glass.]

Curious as to exactly who _her_ is, you naturally want to be her. So -

PSYCHE!

\- you are now Meenah. About time we checked up on her again. Wasn't she in her game already?

> ======>  
[Panel: Meenah stands above water on one of the top ledges of her castle, now immersed in a giant fish bowl.]

> ======>  
[Panel: Meenah scrambles up onto the very top roof of her castle, looking up at the endless swirls of fluorescent glass above her.]

> ======>  
[Panel: Meenah hops from the castle onto the thin end of the beginning of one glass sculpture.]

> ======>  
[Panel 1: Standing up on the glass, she places her 2x3dent at her feet.]  
[Panel 2: She stands on the 2x3dent, sliding down the glassy contours with it as a surfboard.]

> ======>

archivalGusto [AG] began trolling  counterCharge [CC]  
AG: Meenah!  
AG: Isn't that rather dangerous?  
CC: NOP-E  
CC: fun tho  
AG: 8ut what if you fall and 8reak your neck????????  
CC: that aint happening now is it  
CC: but it might do if you keep fishtracting me with your trollin  
AG: I'm just looking out for you.  
CC: yea yea  
CC: DID YOU JUST S -EA T)(AT FLIP I DID  
CC: SKY SURFIN FTW 38D  
AG: Stay safe.  
CC: sure  
CC: sea ya serks  
counterCharge [CC] ceased trolling archivalGusto [AG]  
AG: Sigh.


	4. R4D1C4L2

> Now be GA.

You are now...

Oh, hang on.

Seems as though TA wants to say sorry. He apologises for flying off the handle like that. He is now requesting permission from the handle's airport for touch-down.

Clear for landing, then...

> Enter name.

Your name is MITUNA CAPTOR.

Everything about you is COOL. You are the BEST AT GAMES. You can pull some WICKED STUNTS on your SKATEBOARD. And you can drop the most ILL RHYMES.

From anyone else's perspective, you seem to think of yourself as SOME PRETTY HOT SHIT. IRRITATINGLY SO. In fact, most people who CAN'T STAND YOU.

But your BIPOLARITY means it's only HALF THE TIME you act like some ARROGANT LITTLE SHIT. The OTHER HALF, you're SENSITIVE, DEPRESSED and OBSESSED with the inevitable DOOM in store for you all.

Your trolltag is totalAwesomeness, and you SPEAK IN A MANNER THAT HAS ALL TEH RADICAL2 BUT IS REALLY ANNOYIN 2 READ.

What will you do?

> Mituna: Skateboard.

As much as you'd love to get on your FOUR-WHEELED PLANK and start up some SICK GRINDS, half of your trollslum on Trollian seems to be messaging you.

Half of you loves the popularity. The other half is sure you must have done something wrong, for them all to be coming down on you like this.

And all of you is feeling dread wash over you. Feeling like you've just witnessed your own death.

> Mituna: Answer Kurloz.

This results in [a conversation we have already seen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/824616/chapters/1587131).

So the game's happening already, huh? You thought you'd at least have a sweep longer before this happened.

You know you'll end up playing eventually. But it won't happen easily.

> Mituna: Answer Meenah.

You answer her next to get her out of the way. As fun as it is to rile her up (current record for hyphens before the "E": 47), you don't particularly want her breathing down your neck for too long.

counterCharge [CC]  began trolling totalAwesomeness [TA]  
CC: hey tuna  
CC: tuna  
CC: MITUNA GLUBBING CAPTOR  
CC: AR------E YOU TH----------------ER-E  
TA: NOPE  
CC: what do you mean NOP-E  
CC: i can sea youre online  
TA: NOT GOIN 2 PLAY TEH GAME  
TA: GETTIN ALL SORTS OF BAD FEELING2 OFF IT  
TA: AINT RISKIN IT GRL  
CC: man even when youre bein all pessimistic and shit you still do the rad kid act  
CC: cant you just leave it off a little  
TA: I CAN TALK HOWEVER I WANT 2 BITCH  
TA: STILL TWICE AS RADDD AS YOULL EVER B  
CC: dude  
CC: its such an act  
CC: everyone knowz youre just a messed up pile a insecuritiez underneath  
CC: there i shoved some zees in so youll pay attention  
TA: STFU  
CC: youre only doin it cos pyrope likes it arent you  
TA: NOPE  
CC: cmon we all know youre angling for pyrope  
TA: WHAT GOES ON BETWEEN ME AND TUL2 AINT UR BUSINESS  
CC: dont undersand why you dont do bee puns  
CC: see buzzness coulda been a good one there  
TA: BU22 BU22 IM A FUCKING BEE  
TA: HAPPY NOW?  
TA: WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?  
CC: dude you are annoying as ever  
TA: SAME GOES FOR YOU MEEN2  
CC: yeah protip for ya dude  
CC: if you actually want me to do what you say  
CC: itd help if you never called me meenz again  
CC: ever  
CC: reely  
TA: GOT IT GRL  
TA: AND ANYWAY2  
TA: I GOT 2 PLAY UR GAME  
TA: GOT NO CHOICE  
TA: BUT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS  
TA: AND IT AINT ENDIN WELL  
CC: dude its just a game  
CC: chill  
TA: OMG HOW DUMB CAN U GET  
CC: apparently you can get dumb enough to actually trust your crazy ass dreams  
TA: FUCK U  
TA: IM LEAVIN  
CC: good  
TA: LATER2  
TA: MEEN2  
totalAwesomeness [TA] ceased trolling  counterCharge [CC]  
CC: )(-EY!  
CC: ugh  
CC: fuck it

> Mituna: Forget about others and get down to some serious skateboarding already!

You're wasting time here. Time that could be spent more productively. And radically.

Don't have to forget about them, though. Your handy COMPUHELMET allows you to chatter with your troll chums while thrashing some sick grinds.

> Mituna: Answer Aranea while on the move.

archivalGusto [AG] began trolling  totalAwesomeness [TA]  
AG: Mituna.  
AG: Are you on 8oard yet?  
AG: Mituna?  
\--  archivalGusto [AG] is now an idle troll! --  
TA: IM ON MY SK8BOARD  
AG: I mean with our plans.  
AG: For the game.  
AG: I figured you might be able to help us configure it.  
TA: NOT HAPPENIN GRL  
TA: I GOT TEH FEELIN THIS GAME2 GONNA DROP US IN SOME CRA2Y SHIT  
TA: GONNA B TEH PWNAGE GETTIN DROPPED ON US  
TA: AND ILL HAVE 2 BAIL U OUT  
TA: AGAIN  
AG: Not to be impolite, 8ut........  
TA: BAILIN BUCKET2 @ THE READY  
AG: Ugh.  
AG: Disregarding your unnecessary lewdness...  
AG: Don't you always have that feeling?  
AG: With most things?  
TA: AND GUESS WHO222 NEARLY ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT EM  
AG: I guess you have 8een, on occasion.  
AG: And I guess I have had similar suspicions about the game myself.  
AG: 8ut we're playing now, and there's no reason to 8e pessimistic!  
AG: If we get some good players........  
TA: HA  
TA: GOOD PLAYER2  
TA: WITH FRIEND2 LIKE THESE?  
AG: Okay.  
AG: I must admit, you have a point.  
TA: FACE IT BABE2  
TA: WE ARE ABOUT 2 B LANDIN OURSELVES IN TEH DEEP SHIT  
TA: AND AINT EVEN TEH HELL2 OF RADICAL SK8BOARD MANEUVER2 GONNA GET US OUT OF THAT  
AG: I'm rather interested in your usage of the term "teh".  
AG: It has not 8een used seriously outside of gaming circles for sweeps, if ever.  
AG: You must know I take an interest in linguistics, including neologisms like these.  
AG: Care to make your input?  
TA: NOPE  
totalAwesomeness [TA] ceased trolling  archivalGusto [AG]  
AG: This could 8e the su8ject of my next text8ook.  
AG: Or not.  
totalAwesomeness [TA] began trolling  archivalGusto [AG]  
TA: PWNT  
totalAwesomeness [TA] ceased trolling  archivalGusto [AG]  
AG: Ugh.  
AG: This is going to be even harder than I thought........

> Mituna: Show off.

A group of olivebloods walks by. You feel almost duty-bound to pull off the raddest series of stunts as you pass.

Who else is trolling you? Just CA. And if you think you're going to respond to those messages, you must be out of your mind.

All clear for MAXIMUM XTREME SKATEBOARDING, then...

>======>  
[Panel: On the red and blue interior of Mituna's visor, a Trollian window is up: the name gamegrlCoolkid flashes.]

Another one? What now???

Oh.

You think you'll cool it on the tricks for now. Someone else needs your attention. And you need to pay full attention to this.

> Mituna: Answer.

gamegrlCoolkid [GC] began trolling  totalAwesomeness [TA]  
GC: mt!!!  
TA: HEY TUL2  
GC: h1 f1v3!!!!  
TA: BOOYEAH  
GC: >8D  
TA: WHATS UP GRL  
GC: you h34rd 4bout th1s R4D N3W G4M3 m33n4hs got her handz on?  
TA: YEAH  
TA: I AINT KEEN ON IT THO  
GC: r34lly??  
GC: why not?  
TA: HAD VISION2 ABOUT THIS  
TA: GONNA END BADLY  
GC: who4...  
GC: you sur3????  
GC: d4mn boi...  
GC: you not jo1n1n th3n?  
TA: I AM  
TA: WE GOT TO JOIN  
TA: SAW US IN VISIONS TOGETHER  
TA: BUT WERE NOT GONNA BE SAFE  
GC: psh, 1 c4n h4ndl3 t3h d4ng3rz.  
TA: NO  
TA: I KNOW YOU CAN  
TA: ITS JUST  
TA: MORTAL DANGER  
TA: WE MIGHT NOT GET OUT ALIVE  
GC: oh m4n, th4t aint good 4t 4ll!  
GC: you sur3 w3 got to pl4y?  
GC: 1 dont w4nt 4nyth1ng b4d h4pp3n to you!  
GC: your3 l1k3 my b3st bro!  
GC: not r34lly fr13nds w1th 4nyon3 l1k3 1 4m w1th you.  
TA: WERE GOING TO PLAY THOUGH  
TA: IM SORRY  
TA: THE VISIONS DONT LIE  
GC: ok4y  
GC: w3ll  
GC: wh4t3v3r h4pp3ns to you  
GC: or to m3  
GC: w3ll st1ll b3 fr13ndz  
GC: r1ght??  
TA: OR MORE  
GC: wh4?  
TA: I JUST NEED TO SAY THIS NOW  
TA: IN CASE I DON'T EVER GET THE CHANCE OTHERWISE  
TA: WE'RE GOING INTO THE GAME SOON  
TA: AND IT'S DANGEROUS  
GC: 1 know!  
GC: mort4l d4ng3r, y34h...  
GC: but 1 c4n h4ndl3 t3h d4ng3rz, bro!  
GC: r4dd3st r4d grl 4round h3r3  
GC: w1th h3r g4m3 bro 4t h3r s1d3!!! >8D  
TA: BUT  
TA: JUST IN CASE EITHER OF US GETS HURT  
TA: BEFORE THAT HAPPENS  
TA: I JUST WANT TO SAY  
TA: THAT  
totalAwesomeness [TA] crashed into a wall.  
GC: m1tun4?????

> ======>  
[Panel: Mituna lies on the ground next to his skateboard, clutching his head.]

Enough skateboard shenanigans for now. How's Aranea?

> ======>

CC: so  
CC: you in now  
CC: serks  
CC: you in your land  
CC: serket  
CC: ARAN---EA  
AG: Yes!  
AG: Sorry.  
AG: Couldn't help 8ut 8e fascinated by this place.  
CC: what you got  
CC: land of books and lectures  
AG: Land of Maps and Treasure.  
CC: okay  
CC: thats pretty cool  
CC: hey you could be like some sorta badbass pirate  
CC: without all the hullabeluga of escapin from the law and shit  
CC: can i join you for a few voyages???  
CC: cos youll need someone with the seafarin knowledge if you wanna be a pirate  
CC: also because your land sounds S)(-ELLS OF AW-ESOM-------------E  
CC: betta than dew and glass  
CC: yea its pretty but thats it  
CC: and ok its fun slidin down all those glassy swirls and shit  
CC: thats more of a gc thing tho  
CC: serk  
CC: you there  
CC: youre too busy explorin arent you  
CC: yeah i thought so  
CC: FIN-E  
CC: ill just have to go explore too  
CC: see if theres more to this world than grass and glass  
CC: PC)(OOO


	5. Stable Relatio+nships

> Be GA.

You are now CA.

> ======>  
[Panel: Cronus smirks and winks.]

Actually... maybe later.

Much later.

> Be GA.

You are now CT.

> Enter name.  
[Panel: Horuss in his darkened room.]

Your name is HORUSS ZAHHAK.

Until last sweep, there was a rather conspicuous VOID in your personality. Thankfully for this description, you have since ENDEAVORED to fill this, by filling your life with a STABLE OF INTERESTING ASPECTS.

The FEATURES currently residing in your STABLE include a TALENT FOR MECHANICS, which you would probably be better at if your STRENGTH did not make you PRONE TO BREAKING nearly everything you trot out, and...

Not much else, actually. You're STILL WORKING ON most facets of your personality. As of now, you are mostly a BLANK PAGE. You have recently struck up a MATESPRITSHIP with a lowblood boy, purely for purposes of EXPLORATION, which may help you make progress on that front.

You also harbor a great interest in HOOFBEASTS. This most certainly was NOT MANUFACTURED. You cannot imagine having ever not liked the MAJESTIC HOOFBEAST. They are simply too majestic.

Your trolltag is chevalrousTenacity, and ρ(≧皿≦)9 < you speak your every sentence as STRONGLY as possible.

What will you do?

> Horuss: Converse with matesprit.

You would do so, were it not for the fact that the HEIRESS TO THE THRONE is currently attempting to contact you.

Of course, someone of such nobility must be given precedence.

> Horuss: Answer heiress.

counterCharge [CC] began trolling  chevalrousTransformation[CT]  
CC: yo yo ho bro  
CT: ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ < Greetings, Your Royal Hayness.  
CT: (っ｀Д´)っ < May I e%press much gratefulness for your impeccable presence in my chat box.  
CC: yea yea  
CC: all hail me  
CC: lisfin chumpy inferior subject  
CC: in the middle of some reel badbass skysurfin here so im makin this quick  
CC: game  
CC: you wanna play  
CT: (▼益▼) < What is this game, may I ask?  
CC: ok so youre playin  
CC: cool  
\--  counterCharge [CC] sent  chevalrousTenacity [CT] the file "sgrub.~AT)(" --  
CT: (◣皿◢) < What is this?  
CC: JUST PLAY T)(-E FUCKIN T)(ING  
CT: (≧Д≦)ノ < Well, if my empress-to-be orders me such, then I must put all query to the side and comply insteed of questioning further.  
CC: T)(ANK YOU  
CT: (っ｀Д´)っ < You are most welcome, Your Harness.  
CC: holy mackerel if only the others were all this easy to conchvince  
CC: sea ya  
counterCharge [CC] ceased trolling  chevalrousTransformation[CT]

> ======>  
[Panel: Rufioh on his husktop, sitting on the base of his cruxtruder.]

chevalrousTransformation[CT] began trolling  animeTareme [AT]  
CT: (≧Д≦)ノ < Greetings once more, my loved one.  
AT: hey!  
CT: (*`ェ´*) < I did rather enjoy our...  
CT: （ಠ益ಠ) < Horsing around earlier.  
AT: hors1ng, haha...  
AT: you do love the puns, don't you?  
CT: ρ(≧∇≦)9 < I see no reason to e%c100de them from my text.  
CT: (>皿<) < Why should I rein them in?  
AT: haha, nice ones.  
AT: but ser1ously bro, l1sten...  
AT: you know 1 had to make you leave earl1er? because 1 was busy?  
AT: well, 1'm st1ll busy...  
AT: damara's about to get me 1nto th1s game.  
AT: 1 told you about that, d1dn't 1?  
AT: and from what 1 hear from aranea, 1t's gonna be pretty damn busy 1n there...  
CT: (≧Д≦)ノ < Language!  
CT: （╬ಠ益ಠ) < I will not allow such 100seness of vocabulary.  
AT: oh yeah, sorry...  
AT: pretty d*mn busy, 1t k1nda sl1pped my m1nd to censor that one.  
AT: because, you know... 1t's hardly a bad word...  
CT: (っ｀Д´)っ < I must ask that you censor it anyway.  
CT: ρ(≧∇≦)9 < For I find words like that too horse for your usage.  
AT: too horse?  
CT: ρ(≧皿≦)9 < Coarse.  
AT: hehe... well, sorry...  
AT: and 1 gotta go and get 1n th1s game...  
AT: hang on.  
AT: holy s***!  
CT: ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ < What is it?  
AT: there's a f***1ng meteor headed for my h1ve!  
CT: (っ｀Д´)っ < In which case, I shall leave you to it.  
CT: (◣皿◢) < Complete the task you are saddled with.  
CT: (≧Д≦)ノ < Go about it with unbridled enthusiasm, as I know you will.  
CT: (*`ェ´*) < I am due to play the same game later.  
CT: ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ < Perhaps we shall meet up inside it?  
AT: yeah, 1f 1 haven't been blown up...  
AT: see you!  
AT: 1 hope...  
animeTareme [AT] ceased trolling  chevalrousTransformation[CT]

> ======>

Well, that was odd. You instantly pass off the whole business with the meteor as one of his many entertaining jokes, and think no more about it.

There's another message left for you on your computer. But you don't think you'll answer. She never makes sense, anyway. Even when she's using your own language.

> ======>

AA: I USE YOUR WORDS. SO UNDERSTAND.  
AA: WHY. I KNOW NOT. YOU WITH RUFIOH SPEAK.  
AA: HOWEVER. MANY BAD PLANS. I SUSPECT. FOR HIM.  
AA: I ALLOW NOT.  
AA: NOW. STOP.  
AA: HIM I PROTECT. ALWAYS.  
AA: YOU LEAVE.

> ======>

See? Utter nonsense.

> Be AA.

You are now GA.

> Enter name.  
[Panel: Porrim standing at the door to her rather sparse respiteblock.]

Your name is PORRIM MARYAM.

Your JADE BLOOD means that, under normal circumstances, you would spend your life CARING FOR GRUBS, both the young hatchling trolls and as one of the MAIDS to the MOTHER GRUB. However, having RUN AWAY from the brooding caverns at five sweeps old, you are not exactly under normal circumstances. Instead, you have taken up residence in an ANCIENT TEMPLE IN THE DESERT, with no lusus to raise you for an entire sweep.

However, you like to think YOU GET ON PRETTY WELL despite your stunted upbringing. You were taught to DESIGN AND CRAFT CLOTHING by the other jadebloods in the brooding caverns, and you sell it in a NEARBY CITY. Though you'd like to REJECT THIS ROLE as much as you have rejected your others, you HAVE TO MAKE A LIVING SOMEHOW. Also, it's PRETTY FUN.

You do not earn much, though, and most of your respiteblock is still EMPTY SPACE. This is partially due to the fact that ANOTHER COMMITMENT has been taking up much of your working time lately. Namely, waging a programme to LIBERATE other females who were forced into roles they despised. An INCIDENT with a man in opposition to your cause has only SPURRED YOU ON.

Your trolltag is gynarchicAide, and you suppo+rt yo+ur feminist ideals in everything yo+u say.

What will you do?

> Porrim: Troll Kankri.

You already did that earlier. He was a brat, as usual.

He doesn't know that the more he resists, the more it's clear to you that he needs help. Someone's gotta look after that boy, after all. Six sweeps old? More like two.

Now, you're on your way to see someone else.

> Porrim: See someone else.

She's never easy to find, is she? She disappears and reappears in the most random of places. Still, it's not too hard to spot her when you're coming close. The stark white that makes up her entire body stands out against the colored sands.

Like you can see it doing now.

You don't have a lusus. But that's not to say you don't have a guardian.

> Porrim: Greet your guardian.

PORRIM: Hello+.  
FLORESCA: Good morning.  
PORRIM: It's to+day, then?  
PORRIM: Kankri was talking to+ me earlier abo+ut a game, I'm assuming it's the same o+ne yo+u had me appearify to+ the mo+o+n.  
FLORESCA: That's right.  
FLORESCA: Today is the day when you escape Beforan roles forever.  
PORRIM: That's a relief.  
PORRIM: I get by, but life's hardly easy here.  
PORRIM: No+ matter ho+w much Kankri tries to+ deny it, wo+men do+ have to+ wo+rk twice as hard. Myself even mo+re so+, as a suppo+sed "o+rphan".  
PORRIM: Shielding my jade blo+o+d fro+m strangers is difficult as well.  
PORRIM: The last thing I want is to+ be carted o+ff back _there_.  
FLORESCA: I know. I've observed all this, as well as knowing it instinctively.  
PORRIM: Yo+u'll kno+w as well as I do+, then I'll gladly leave it all at the tip of a hat.  
FLORESCA: I wish I could have helped you with your life before, but there are rules I must adhere to.  
FLORESCA: Never mind. You'll be free of it in a matter of hours.  
PORRIM: Will it be easier in the game?  
FLORESCA: That is a matter for you to find out yourself.  
PORRIM: Yes, I suspected yo+u'd say that.  
PORRIM: I'll just have to+ go+ alo+ng with life at the no+rmal pace, finding things o+ut as they go+...  
PORRIM: I've o+ften wo+ndered.  
PORRIM: What is it like to+ be o+mniscient?  
PORRIM: It must be wo+nderful to+ kno+w exactly what is in sto+re, witho+ut having to+ wo+rry abo+ut what might be.  
FLORESCA: That is so.  
FLORESCA: But sometimes it is a burden just as much as a liberation.  
FLORESCA: That same description could apply to many aspects of your life, as it happens.  
PORRIM: Again with the riddles.  
PORRIM: I suppo+se yo+u're no+t go+ing to+ tell me what I mean by that, then?  
FLORESCA: You really have grown wise to me, haven't you?  
FLORESCA: Carry on then, child. I know you've sated your curiosity now.  
FLORESCA: Return to the temple and await your liberation.  
PORRIM: Or will it be a burden?  
FLORESCA: You'll see.


	6. M-EMO

CURRENT counterCharge [CCC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board badbass motherglubbas.  
CCC: may as shell use this memo shit  
CCC: aint never used it before but could be useful  
CCC: aight  
CCC: so  
CCC: headcount  
CCC: im fin the game  
CCC: and  
FUTURE archivalGusto [FAG] 8 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FAG: Yes, I'm in as well.  
FAG: Didn't I already tell you this?  
CCC: yea but just keepin track of it here  
CCC: also how are you from the future  
FAG: It's quite fascinating how that works, actually.  
FAG: You see, when putting Trollian together, Mituna actually managed to get his hands on some genuine Chronontech!  
FAG: When consulting with Kurloz on what to include in the finished chat client, he encouraged him to install it 8ecause, and I quote, "it could be some reeeEEEeeeal useful shit SOMEday, bro. :o)"  
FAG: During the conversation in which he told me a8out this, I affirmed that he had made the right decision in telling his friend to add it. And also to tell his friend not to add the "RADICAL" skateboard banner to every window in the client.  
FAG: Chronontech truly is some fascinating technology!  
CCC: zzzzz  
CCC: yeah serks i kinda tuna-ed you out a bit there  
CCC: can you tell me what this shit does without glubbing on for sweeps about it  
FAG: You'll miss an interesting story........ 8ut okay.  
FAG: 8asically, this memo (and any other Trollian memos) can 8e accessed from any time period.  
CCC: ok cool  
CCC: wait  
CCC: hold the fuck up  
CCC: T)(AT IS NOT COOL  
FAG: Why?  
CCC: chumpy team like us  
CCC: next thing we know well be wading through oceans of losers and douches past future and present  
CCC: these memos are gonna be loser douche territory forever  
CCC: i should just close this now before the losedouches start pourin in  
FAG: Yes, that might 8e a good idea, actually.  
CURRENT animeTareme [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CAT: ok, 1'm 1n the game now...  
FAG: What's your land?  
CAT: land of sands and zephyr.  
CAT: pretty f***1ng awesome!  
CCC: ok well this aint so bad so far  
FAG: Indeed.  
FAG: I suggest we keep it open, for our 8enefit.  
FAG: After all, what 8etter ways are there of keeping everyone posted?  
FUTURE counterCharge [FCC] 18980 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCC: あなたが哀れです。  
CCC: glubber fuck  
CCC: i expected people coming in from all sortsa crazy times  
CCC: didnt expect me  
FCC: 私はあなたではないです。鱒の顔を持つ少女。  
CCC: why the fuck am i speaking east beforan  
FAG: Perhaps you have learnt it 8y the time you are responding here?  
FAG: A sweep would pro8a8ly 8e sufficient time to do so.  
CCC: why tho  
CCC: does this game give you like mad language skrills is that it  
CAT: yo, doll...  
CAT: she says she 1sn't you.  
CCC: reely  
CCC: ok  
CCC: probubbly you-know-who then  
CCC: i mean who else speaks east beforan  
CAT: me?  
CCC: speaks east beforan and refuses to say anything i can actually undersand ever  
CAT: 1t really doesn't sound l1ke her, though...  
FCC: あなたは、このゲームの意味を作ってみる。  
FCC: あなたが失敗します。  
FCC: あなたがあきらめているはずです。  
FCC: または選択をした。終わりを受け入れた。  
CAT: uh, whoa...  
CAT: b1t om1nous, doll...  
FCC: 魚の女の子は、私たちをリードします。災害。  
FCC: しかし、あなたはチームをリードすることはできません。あなたは死んでいるとき。  
CAT: um... spo1lers much?  
CCC: spoilers  
CCC: what the glub is going on  
FAG: Yes, could you translate for us please?  
CAT: 1'm not sure 1f 1 should!  
CAT: we1rd t1me s***...  
FCC: RUFIOH。裏切り者！  
CAT: what?  
CAT: what d1d 1 do?  
CAT: what w1ll 1 do...  
FCC banned herself from responding to memo.  
CCC: aight  
CCC: that was weird  
CAT: you're tell1ng me...  
FAG: Now that's over, can I ask you something, Rufioh?  
CAT: shoot, doll!  
FAG: What did you prototype your kernelsprite with?  
CAT: you mean... the b1g flashy brown th1ng?  
FAG: Yes, I mean the 8ig flashy 8rown thing.  
CAT: well... 1 had a broken robot ly1ng around...  
FAG: A 8roken ro8ot that looks exactly like Horuss?  
CAT: s***, how'd you know that?  
CCC: fuckin robohoruss imps everywhere  
CCC: thats how  
FAG: I have come to the conclusion that the o8ject that the kernelsprite is prototyped with transfers its qualities to the imps we face.  
FAG: Thanks to Meenah, some of them have fishtank heads.  
FAG: And thanks to me, some have the spines of 8ooks.  
CCC: i just sent a robobooktank imp swimming with the fishes with my awesome surfin skrills  
CCC: why you got a robohozak anywave  
CAT: he sent 1t to me...  
CAT: as a present, someth1ng for me to get 1nto scrums and s*** w1th...  
CAT: but then one day he came over to have a go and broke 1t!  
CCC: wow  
CCC: reel useful buoyfriend that is  
CCC: breaking all your presents  
CAT: um... boyfr1end?  
CAT: you mean fr1end who's a boy?  
CCC: could mean that  
CCC: could mean somefin else  
CCC: wonk wonk  
CCC: * wink wink cod dam typo  
PAST amativeCatgirl [PAC] 333 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
PAC: (=①o①=) < (^･o･^)  
CAT: uh... please don't take that the wrong way, meu...  
PAC: (=ﾟωﾟ=) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!  
PAC: ヾ(=ﾟ･ﾟ=)ﾉ < CAT!!!!!!!!!  
CAT: huh?  
FAG: Your acronym.  
CAT: oh... oh yeah!  
PAC: (=^. .^=) < AND ALSO...  
PAC: (o=´∇｀=)o < YOU TWO WOULD BE SO SW33T TOGETHER!!!  
PAC: ヽ(=^ﾟωﾟ)^/ < 333333333!!!!!!!!!  
CCC: shiiiiiiiiiiiit  
CCC: sorry ruf  
CAT: meul1n... you know 1 already have a matespr1t...  
PAC: (^・x・^) < OH, BUT HYPOTHETIFURRY...  
PAC: ~(=ﾟωﾟ)/ < I SHIP IT  
PAC: ~(=ﾟωﾟ)/ < SO  
PAC: ~(=ﾟωﾟ)/ < HARD!!!!!!!!!!  
CCC: meu no  
CCC: just  
CCC: stop  
FAG: Meulin, I don't think that's really what he wants to hear right now.  
PAC: ( =･ｪ･=) < REALLY?  
PAC: (｡_｡=) < SORRY, I CAN NEFUR TELL...  
FAG: Shouldn't we all be preparing for our game, anyway?  
PAC: ~(=^･?･^) < GAME?  
FAG: Yes, the one we've been talking a8out for the few sections of the memo we haven't 8een sidetracked for.  
CCC: people other than her gettin us sidetracked  
CCC: she just jealous  
FAG: Hey.  
FAG: 8ack to discussing our game, please?  
CCC: sure  
CCC: k meu its called sgrub  
PAC: ~(=^･〇･^) < OOOOOOOOOH!!!  
FAG: Has anyone actually sent her the game yet?  
CCC: dont think so  
CCC: here  
\--  CURRENT counterCharge [CCC] sent  PAST amativeCatgirl [PAC] the file "sgrub.~AT)(" --  
PAC: (^・ω・^)  
CCC: now you go and fangirl or ship or something  
PAC: o(=・ω・=o) < OKAY!!!  
PAST amativeCatgirl [PAC] ceased responding to memo.  
FUTURE tacitConspiration [FTC] 420 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTC: heeeEEEeeey my BROS and SISses :o)  
FTC: i am IN the game!  
CAT: wow, that took a long t1me...  
FTC: oHHHhhh...  
FTC: no, i just forGOT to tell you EARLIER. :o(  
FTC: land of TENTS and MIRTH, man.  
FTC: i'm TELLING you, this shit is WAY CHILL!  
FAG: When did you get into the game, exactly?  
FAG: Just so we can keep track of everything.  
FTC: maaaAAAaaan...  
FTC: i forgot, was so CHILLED OUT in this bitch!  
CCC: ok that is totally useful so thanks  
CCC: you chill out in clownland then  
FTC: PEACE, sisTER. :o)  
FUTURE totalAwesomeness [FTA] 22222 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTA: WH47 15 7H15H 5HH1777  
CCC: oh what the glub  
FTA: 1 D0N7 D0N  
FTA: 7  
CAT: uh...  
FTC: you alRIGHT, buddy?  
FAG: Mituna?  
CCC: dude you are even harder to undersand than usual  
CCC: can you drop the shitty leetspeek  
CCC: because it really aint as radical as you think it is  
FTA: 5FFHH4W4W477H W4H7  
FTA: 1  
FTA: Y0U T0L3D M3 T0 R3P0ND T0 M3M0  
FTA: 4ND 1 D17  
FAG: I dou8t it was to this one.  
CAT: yeah, my gangsta... try look1ng for a more recent one?  
FTC: keeeEEEP on lookin, BRO. :o)  
FUTURE gamegrlCoolkid [FGC] 22222 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: tun4!  
FGC: wrong m3mo, b4b3z.  
FTA: 1 1 1 11  
FTA: 1 D0N7 D0NK7  
FTA: 1M S0RRY  
FGC: ssh, 1ts ok!  
FTA: 1M S0RRY  
FGC: 1ts 4ll ok. th3 r1ght m3mos just 4 b1t furth3r down!  
FGC: just gott4 do 4 b1t of scroll1ng to f1nd 1t.  
FTA: 0K  
FTA: 1 D0 7H47H  
FTA: 7HH4NK  
CCC: aww look at the happy couple  
PAST amativeCatgirl [PAC2] 33 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
CCC  banned PAC from responding to memo.  
CCC: now clamscray you two  
CCC  banned FGC from responding to memo.  
CCC banned FTA from responding to memo.  
CCC: ooh ban is fun 38D  
CCC banned FAG from responding to memo.  
CCC banned CAT from responding to memo.  
CCC banned FTC from responding to memo.  
CCC unbanned FAG from responding to memo.  
CCC unbanned CAT from responding to memo.  
CCC unbanned FTC from responding to memo.  
CAT: }:?  
FAG: Meenah........  
CCC: soooooooooooorry  
FTC: nah, I'M gonna go anyway.  
FTC: byeeeEEEeee!  
FTC ceased responding to memo.  
FUTURE campaigningGarrulity [FCG] 69 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: Are y9u even aware 9f the vast number 9f p9tential triggers in this mem9 s9 far?  
CCC: aw fer glubs sake  
FCG: S9 many triggers, Meenah. S9 many.  
FCG: F9r example, I was simply sh9cked t9 see y9u earlier d9ing the unspeakable!  
CCC: unseakable what  
FCG: Ship-shaming!  
CAT: ...  
FAG: ........  
CCC: you cannot be searious  
FCG: Meulin has every right t9 ship Rufi9h and H9russ t9gether if she s9 wishes.  
FCG: I was s9 sh9cked at y9ur denial 9f her shipping rights, I c9uld sit 6ack and watch n9 l9nger!  
FAG: Kankri, this isn't the right time.  
FAG: We're playing a very high-risk game here. Lives are at stake.  
FCG: S9 ARE TRIGGERS!  
CCC: dude  
CCC: what if ruf was gettin all triggered from you bringing up that shippin earlier  
CCC: cmon dude werent you totally triggered by that  
CAT: um... a l1ttle?  
FCG: N9, Meenah. Just n9. I'm n9t playing y9ur game.  
CCC: but you are  
FCG: N9, I mean the game 9f y9u making up triggers that c9uld never actually trigger any9ne at all, and using them against me.  
CCC: isnt that what you do tho  
CCC: like literally ALL T)(-E TIM-E  
FCG: Y9U ARE N9T 6RINGING ME D9WN T9 Y9UR LEVEL, Y9U ACCUSATIVE WADER!  
FAG: Kankri, wasn't that a casteist slur you just used there?  
FCG: She's priveliged. I'm all9wed.  
FAG: I don't think you quite get it.  
FAG: Perhaps you should leave this memo and do a little 8it more research on this type of thing?  
FCG: The veritable m9untains 9f research I have already d9ne inf9rm me that this particular insult refers t9 th9se wh9 are highly c9mplicit in the schemes 9f seadwellers.  
FCG: F9ll9wing that l9gic, I can call Y9U:  
FCG: WADER.  
FUTURE gynarchicAide [FGA] 69 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGA: No+w, no+w, Kankri. Let's no+t trigger peo+ple.  
FCG: They're n9t triggered, they're just 6eing ann9ying.  
FGA: Actually, I think it may be the o+ther way ro+und.  
FGA: Meenah, Aranea, weren't yo+u just ever so+ triggered by Kankri's ho+rrific, tho+ughtless insult?  
CCC: yes yes  
CCC: sooooooo triggered  
CCC: like shit vantas whyd you have to do that  
CCC: go trigger us all off like a coupla triggered triggers  
FAG: Indeed.  
FGA: Well, Kankri?  
FGA: What do+ yo+u have to+ say fo+r that?  
FCG: Meenah...  
FCG: Y9u can 6an pe9ple, can't y9u?  
CCC: um  
CCC: yea  
FCG: Get her 9ut.  
CCC: but  
FCG: GET HER 9UT!!!  
FGA: Kanny...  
FCG: GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT GET HER 9UT  
CCC: )(OW ABOUT  
CCC banned FCG from responding to memo.  
FGA: Thank yo+u.  
FGA: He's even brattier than usual to+day, it's almo+st funny to+ watch.  
FAG: He can pro8a8bly still read this. He's 8anned from responding, but not from spectating.  
FGA: I kno+w.  
FGA: Perhaps, if he can't respo+nd, he'll have no+ cho+ice but to+ listen.  
FGA: Because I do+ believe he needs so+meo+ne lo+o+king after him.  
FGA: No+t in the remarkably ineffectual way his cullers go+ abo+ut it, which is mo+re just sho+wering him with unwanted gifts than anything else.  
FGA: He needs so+meo+ne to stop him being such a...  
FGA: Well, such a do+uche, to+ be blunt.  
CURRENT chevalrousTenacity [CCT] responded to memo.  
CCT: (o`_´)o < Ah, my Rufioh!  
CCC: MY RUFIO)(  
CCC: O)( MY COD  
FGA: Oh my.  
CCC: i can sea why meu ships it  
PAST amativeCatgirl [PAC3] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.  
CCC banned PAC from responding to memo.  
CAT: oh, h1!  
CAT: uh...  
CAT: he meant as 1n "my fr1end" ruf1oh, 1 guess...  
CCC: aint buyin it dude  
CCT: (￣Д￣)9 < Are you implying a romantic relationship between us, Your Harness?  
CCC: might be  
CCT: (◣д◢) < Rest assured, then, that any relationship between me and one with blood his low would be impropriety beyond measure.  
CAT: yeah... what he sa1d!  
CAT: we're just fr1ends... heheh...  
FAG: Not really the time for gossip, I don't think.  
FGA: Yes, perhaps it wo+uld be best no+t to+ pry.  
CCC: oh yeah  
CCC: anywave i dont glub a fuck  
CCT: ヽ(>Д<)ﾉ < I see you are in good condition, then.  
CAT: yep, 1'm 1n the game safely.  
CCT: (o▼皿▼)o < Good  
CCT: (≧益≦) < That was my mane reason for entering the fray here.  
CCT: (◣д◢)9 < I canter-llow myself to stay amongst this f001ishness any more.  
CCT: (╬ﾟ◥益◤ﾟ) < I shall gallop off and leave you to it.  
CCT ceased responding to memo.  
CCC: wow hes reel frondly  
CAT: you get used to h1m...  
CCC: yea but i mainly just wanted to fit in that fishpun x2 combo  
CCC: really rocked it didnt i  
CCC: (rock as in rock salmon)  
CCC: (really had to salmon up lotsa strength for that)  
CCC: (S)(-----ELL Y-----------------ES)  
FAG: Disregarding fish puns for now, I think this memo has run its course.  
FGA: Yes, I think any ho+pe o+f salvaging o+rganizatio+n fro+m this shipwreck is lo+ng go+ne.  
CCC: S)(IPWR--------------------------------------ECK  
CCC: <3  
CCC: but yea seariously shell i close it down  
PAST cronusAmpora [PCA] 311 HOURS AGO began responding to memo.  
PCA: vwhats all this about a game?  
PCA: and wvhy has no one seen fit to tell me about it?  
CCC: AAAAAAAAAAUG)(  
PCA: oh, charming.  
PCA: thats a fine vway to treat the grub vwho livwed.  
PCA: hey, maryam.  
PCA: up for a date any time soon?  
FGA: Hang o+n, so+mething's just co+me up.  
FGA: Go+o+dbye.  
FGA banned herself from responding to memo.  
PCA: oh, evweryones on top form today.  
PCA: top form of reminding me vwhat a load of mudsuckers you are.  
PCA: i deserwve better than you.  
CCC: then why do you even talk to us  
CCC: go chat with all your cronies in your cult  
PCA: ivwe told you before, its not a cult.  
PCA: it is a loyal group of followvers dedicated to building my strength so i can defeat he-vwho-must-not-be-named.  
CCC: cult  
FAG: I'm going to have to go with Meenah on this one.  
FAG: I'm sorry, but what proof do you have of you actually having 8een attacked 8y this evil wizard when you were a gru8? Apart from having 8een told the story many times when growing up?  
PCA: simple.  
PCA: wvhere else vwould i get my distinctiwve and rather attractivwe dualscar?  
FAG: Falling down some stairs?  
FAG: You wouldn't have understood the warnings a8out them as a gru8.  
PCA: the fact remains that there are a lot of people vwho believwe it is true. including me.  
PCA: so its got to havwe some truth in it, right?  
FAG: That means nothing other than that there are a lot of people who 8elieve it, regardless of whether it is true or not.  
CCC: yea yea once youre done with your little lovers tiff  
PCA: lovwers?  
FAG: Don't even try.  
PCA: i dont knowv, it could vwork out...  
CCC: yeah i went too far there  
CCC: sorry for digging ya into that hole serks  
PCA: but if youre vwilling...  
FAG: No.  
CCC: hey look is that a subject change i sea  
CCC: i manta tell you about the game  
CCC: i fishcussed it with you a couple hours back for me  
CCC: but you got the shrimpudence to be in this memo from the PAST  
CCC: like days ago why you gotta be like that  
CCC: i literally only found the thing tidey  
PCA: i suppose that makes sense.  
PCA: ill havwe to vwait, then.  
PCA ceased responding to memo.  
CCC: anywaves im tired of this memo now  
CCC: too much bs  
CCC: just me left in here anyway  
CCC: and the cat  
CCC: and the fag  
CCC: whatebber a fag is  
FAG: I 8elieve it was a mild slur commonly used on the ancient image8oards from the dark ages of Troll Internet.  
CCC: ok  
CCC: dont reely glub a fuck  
CCC: but ok  
FAG: Is Rufioh even still here?  
CCC: yeah its been a bit qu1et on his front  
CCC: oi ruf  
CAT: yeah, here!  
CAT: had to deal w1th a few f1shtank 1mps...  
CAT: some of them are even beg1nn1ng to look l1ke an1me characters!  
CCC: anime imps  
CCC: what  
CCC: you-know-who musta prototyped her thing  
CAT: yeah, she's messag1ng me now...  
CAT: entered about two m1nutes ago.  
CCC: aw shit  
CCC: we been wastin time on this dam memo  
CCC: while shes actually got shit done  
CCC: i think i was just outclassed by a weeaboo  
CAT: hey.  
CAT: she's st1ll my matespr1t.  
CCC: yeah no accounting for taste dude  
CAT: }:/  
CCC: whatebber  
CCC: closin this shit down  
CCC: clamscray  
CCC banned FAG from responding to memo.  
CCC banned CAT from responding to memo.

CCC  closed memo.


	7. Noir

> Meenah: Put up with whining.

You are now Meenah.

There is a dying man in front of you, but that's the least of your concerns right now. First, you have to deal with this supremely irritating sprite of yours, who's somehow managed to float all the way up through the tangles of glass just to nag you.

Now that's dedication.

> ======>

FISHBOWLSPRITE: Oh my glubbing COD, Meenah. I TOLD you not to stab him! And did you listfin? Nooooo. Of course you fucking did not. Well, blame's all on you. I am taking no responsibility for this tangled fucking mess you've sailed us all into. None whatsoebber. Enjoy fucking up your session, Meenah. Enjoy it VERY FUCKING MUCH.  
MEENAH: youre a fishbowl  
MEENAH: how the glub can you talk  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: Yes, that's right. Make banal lobstervations about your helpful spirit guide whilst they actually try to kelp you get out of this mess. Full marks! Or shoald I say full sharks?  
MEENAH: you actually gonna kelp tho  
MEENAH: or you just gonna keep givin me fishbowl sass  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: I'm only resorting to the sass because you don't seem to undersand that, when presented with a near-omniseaent font of knowledge on the game you're playing, it might be a VAGUELY GOOD IDEA to follow its advice?  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: Oh look, here's another idea! (Aren't I just swimming with those?) How aboat you... I dunno... actually ATTEND TO THE DYING MAN IN FRONT OF YOU? That'd be a sane idea, wouldn't it?  
MEENAH: meh  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: What was that? Was that a "yes, thank you Fishbowlsprite, thank you so much for taking time out of your newly-given life to help such a pathetic useless violent piece of ship like me"? Because I'm not shore I heard you correctly there.  
MEENAH: hmm  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: Hmm fucking what.  
MEENAH: just wonderin  
MEENAH: can you stab a sprite  
FISHBOWLSPRITE: Oh yes. MARVELLOUS idea!  
MEENAH: for once we agree

> ======>

> ======>

FISHDENTSPRITE: Sea, wasn't that a good idea of mine, to encourage you? Now you've lost your weaprawn and I get an upgrade! No more impromptu stabbings for you!  
MEENAH: meh  
MEENAH: i can alchemize a new one  
FISHDENTSPRITE: Oh yes?  
FISHDENTSPRITE: But I'm armed and dangerous now. It wouldn't be so hard for me to just block you from accessing your alchemiter, wouldn't it?  
MEENAH: FUCK YOU  
FISHDENTSPRITE: D)  
MEENAH: right  
MEENAH: im gonna need some searious backup here

> Aranea: Provide 8ackup.

AG: Meenah!  
CC: whoa serks did you read my mind  
CC: was just about to conchtact you  
AG: I've found my first treasure in this land!  
AG: It's a dress, a pir8-style dress like in my old RPGs!  
CC: yeah i aint interested in your nerd games  
AG: But........  
AG: I thought you might at least like to see me trying it on!  
CC: ok cool  
CC: now can you--  
AG: I don't think I could quite pull it off yet, though.  
AG: May8e one day........  
CC: ARAN-----EA S--------ERK----------ET WILL YOU S)(UT TH---------E FUCK UP

> ======>

CC: Alright, fine!  
CC: What was it you wanted to "conchtact" me about, then?  
CC: theres a nearly dead guy in front a me  
CC: What?  
CC: kinda my fault  
CC: Why am I not surprised.  
CC: well he stabbed me first  
CC: after complainin that royalty was makin him dress like a fish  
CC: took that as a finsult  
CC: stabbed him right back  
CC: Oh, Meenah.  
CC: yea yea now can you hurry up over here with all your mind reading powers and shit  
CC: he knows things  
CC: things that i aint lettin swim through my fingers  
CC: You know what?  
CC: No.  
CC: You need to learn your lesson.  
CC: Ask questions first, sta8 later!  
CC: oh reely  
CC: i aint never heard you not wantin to learn new things  
CC: think about it  
CC: all that knowledge in his dyin brain  
CC: lost forebber if you dont hurry your ass over here and mind read it out a him  
CC: Ohhhhhhhh........  
CC: 8ut........  
CC: you know you want to  
CC: No! I'm sure we can find that inform8tion somewhere else!!!!!!!!  
CC: shooooore????  
CC: cmon just a little peek cant hurt  
CC: I........  
CC: hold up  
CC: hes movin

> ======>

The man's still able to talk, somehow, despite the gushing holes in his chest. He's hardier than you thought. You're quite impressed, actually.

With what breath he has left, he asks you to finish her off. Who's her, you ask? The Black Queen. He wants you to drive that trident straight through that bitch's beating heart and leave her there to bleed.

You say you gotta have respect for a dying man's wishes. And if offing some bitch is involved, you're all too happy to oblige.

The dying man nods faintly in approval, giving a little smirk. You'd have made a good protégé for him, he thinks. If only you hadn't got him first.

Then he's gone.

> broad.

> you there. broad.

> broad, quit all this scurrying around.

> PSYCHE

You are one of the top Public Servants in the Kingdom of Light. Solicitations for your service are numerous in quantity. Compensation, adequate. It is a balmy Prospitian evening. You are feeling particularly loyal tonight. 

What will you do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please submit commands for ~~Problem Sleuth~~ Public Servant, such as " > PS: Quickly retrieve arms from safe" in the comments, and I will try to include them all in the next chapter!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> This is the first installment of my big Christmas fic-spree, THE MERRY MOTHERLOAD! (THE FESTIVE FATHERDUMP is coming around New Year's.) That's how come I've been lying low for a bit until now -- had to get everything ready for the BEST AO3 CHRISTMAS OF ALL TIME.  
> The four (or possibly more) new fics/existing fic upd8s I'm giving today aren't directed at anyone in particular -- in accordance with the TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS, they are for everyone. In other words, they're Communism's answer to Christmas presents. (Shame I didn't write any Johnkat fics, come to think of it. That would have been an amazing pun opportunity.)
> 
> Anyways. Meulin was going to be introduced this chapter.  
> I have written out a lengthy version of, and subsequently lost all trace of, Meulin's introduction at _least_ three times now.  
>  I _swear_ that catgirl is cursed or something.  
>  So yes, decided the best way to avoid that particular issue was to steer clear of Meulin as much as possible. Sorry to anyone with a specific hankering for Meulin, you'll have to wait a little longer.
> 
> Although I've left you waiting long enough on this entire thing! _Over five months?!_ Well, we're back up and running now (AT LAST), complete with shiny new description! (Because the old one, frankly, was fairly rubbish.)
> 
> I have been working away on this fic the entire 5+ months, just... not producing anything that consecutively continued the story. But THERE IS LOTS TO COME!
> 
> Also, this is the first chapter of this fic that is _actually fully illustrated_ , without any copouts like [Panel: People do some stuff.] or anything. Bleh, drawing is hard. It's hard and nobody understands.


End file.
